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Ladies, if you want to have a successful dating life, you should take note of things that your man shouldn’t hear.

1. WHEN WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN? 

You’ll see him when you see him. If he wants to see you again, he’ll call. If not, next. You don’t have time for anyone that doesn’t have time for you.

2. WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL? 

There’s only one answer to this question: Because he didn’t want to!!! What you’re really asking is, “Why didn’t you want to call me?” Who knows!! There could be a lot of reasons, but you shouldn’t be sitting around wondering why. You should be out dating lots of different guys and not worrying about ONE guy. Don’t be so quick to put all your eggs into one basket, because if they break, it’s a big mess!

3. WHERE WERE YOU? 

If he wanted you to know where he was, he’d tell you. What you’re really asking is, “Where you with another female that you like better than me?” Your insecurity is showing, my dear. You need to show him that your time is also as important to you as his. Do something fun or simply take yourself out and stop bickering about things you have no control over.

4. I LOVE YOU (FIRST) 

I know that you are saying this with good intentions, but if he doesn’t respond what happens? You’ll be devastated and probably feel foolish. Saying “I love you” is not going to speed things up if he’s not ready to say it back. So just cool it, and let him be the first to say it when he’s ready.

5. DID YOU SLEEP WITH HER? 

He’s telling you about his exes and there you are feeling jealous and all. Hey Girl, Watch it! As long as he’s not sleeping with her now, who cares? The past is gone. Don’t torture yourself (and him) with these thoughts. In this case, ignorance really is bliss.

6. WHERE IS THIS GOING? 

Nowhere fast if that’s your attitude. Guys want someone fun and easy to be with, not someone that’s constantly worrying about the future. His actions or non-actions will tell you where it’s going. If it’s going somewhere, you’ll know it. If it’s not, you’ll know it too.

7. WE NEED TO TALK.

This is the equivalent of, “Mum is calling you (if you know, you know)”. Guys know it’s not going to be a fun conversation, so they’re already on the defensive. If you need to discuss something, just casually bring it up when the both of you are relaxed. Don’t try to discuss things when!

8. I HATE YOU!

Even if you do, it’s totally uncalled for and un-lady like. If there’s an issue, be mature enough to discuss it when you’re calm. Even if he is breaking up with you and you feel the urge to call him out on everything, it’s best to remain calm and act unfazed. He’ll wonder why you’re so cool about it and that may make him re-think his decision. Guys are always taken aback by calm ladies. We confuse them. Always be pleasant during a break up. Do you want to be known as the girl that goes psycho if someone breaks up with her? I didn’t think so.

9. I DON’T TRUST YOU.

 What you’re actually saying is, “You need to step up your game, because I can see you’re up to something.” If you have no evidence of this, it would be unwise to start throwing words around. First, it will make him more cautious if he is actually doing something which makes it even harder to get the evidence you need to prove your suspicions. Second and even more damaging is the fact that you could be wrong and hurt his feelings which would be no fault of his. He’s most likely see you as a crazy person.

It’s hard not to say some of these things but I promise you that it’s worth the effort. Overtime it will normalize and become a way of life.

 Ojay Tress

A lot of people have different ideas on relationships that are based on assumptions of perfection in a relationship. This is very far from the true state of most of relationships and eventually creates a problem.

Here are 7 of the most common misconceptions people have related about having a better relationship.

1.  I have to love everything about my partner:

Well,

You were born pure and pristine. You then learnt behaviors from your parents, teacher, coaches, church etc. (who did their best to teach you about a better relationship). These behaviors have become the backbone for your way of living and having a better relationship.

Perhaps a common behavior that irritates having a better relationship would be leaving the toilet seat up after use. This is merely a behavior and not the essence of the person. However, when you may consider this behavior to be the person, this destroys the concept of a better relationship, creating all kinds of conflict in your need for a better relationship.

2.  Love means that I can fix my partner:

Well,

You met your partner because of some special quality or characteristics that you admired. You need to accept and allow that quality to flourish in order to allow you and your partner to grow into a better relationship.

You may be unaware that you do not even like yourself. Yet by allowing your partner to grow and expand, you will experience the quality of your partner and the beauty within you, as you begin to enjoy a better relationship.

3.I am supposed to give up the things I like in order to be in a better relationship:

Well,

Giving up the things you like to be in a better relationship is like take a knife and cutting away a part of yourself.

Your better relationship is based on the uniqueness of you and your partner.

When you give up your uniqueness you rob yourself of a better relationship, your passion and your partner of your creativity.

4. I will find a partner that will be at my beck and call:

Well,

You may have been conditioned to live your life expecting someone to take care of you. What happens if that person becomes ill and is no longer able to take care of you?

Your responsibility in creating a better relationship, is to bring your passion to the table of your relationship. Sometimes you would be the bedrock of the relationship and other times your partner is going to be the mainstay and that’s okay.

You will each get a chance to shine like star in a better relationship because of your strengths and weaknesses.

5. It cost a lot to be in a relationship:

Well,

In a material context, a better relationship can be expensive if you think that love is based on the bigger house or an exotic car. Although some of these material assets are necessary, they should not be at the expense of creating a better relationship.

Love is creating a better relationship by building a relationship that is based on the simple things in life, like walking and holding hands, going to the beach, or buying Shawarma or popcorn.

Love is not about creating mammoth experiences that cost a fortune. It is about creating small loving moments that last a lifetime.

6. My partner is supposed to believe that I love him/her:

Well,

It is not what you say, it is what you do. You can say, "I love you" which may be merely words and no feelings (action). Love is the action of doing.

If you make a cup of tea for yourself, (the water is boiled), make a cup of tea for your partner. Whether your partner wants the tea or not is irrelevant, it is the thought that counts and the action that cements a better relationship.

7. I don't have to work at my relationship:

Well,

When you were a child, you learned to creep before you walked. Then you learned the letters of the alphabet. In order to write, you had to learn how to put those letters together to make words and sentences.

To become a better partner, you have to learn to keep improving yourself especially in the aspect of communication. It is very important to speak openly about the issues in your relationship and always try to resolve them

Ojay Tress